My Ears *STILL* Burn...

I was working at the jewelry store in the mall and I was probably 20-years-old. I had a crush on a fellow I went to church with. Tall, attractive, quiet, with that mysterious, you-know-you-want-to-get-to-know-me look about him. I had invited him over to my house , along with some other friends, for dinner and games one evening. I made from scratch everything on the menu, from the soup, to the decadent dessert. The night went rather well, although I guess he missed that it was dinner and games because he told everyone else that he had already eaten. He did, however try everything and the evening went rather well, I thought. He stayed until 1:30 in the morning for crying out loud! (and not everyone did that)

* * *

So a few weeks go by, I don't hear anything from him. I was sitting at work and it was kind of a dull evening. My co-worker asks me how things are going in the dating field and I say they are nil.

"No boys you're interested in?"

"Well, there's one, but I really don't think he's interested..." **explains the previous date**

"If he stayed that long it sure sounds like he's interested!"

Back and forth of "No, he's not." and "Yes, he is" -es.

"You should call him up to go hiking with us on Saturday. That's pretty open and not likely to be a scary thing."

"I dunno. I really hate asking guys to do something unless they're my friend already. I get all flustered and sound stupid."

"You'll be fine. Besides, it's not like it's actually a date. It's just a bunch of people going hiking."

**More deliberating...and then**

"Alright. I'll call him." I pick up the phone, dial, and wait. Palms sweating, face bright red as though I've been running in the hot sun.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is (name changed to protect the embarrassed) Jeff there?"

"Um...lemme check. Who is this?"

"Haven."

"Haven..?" pause as though he's waiting for an answer from someone else in the room. "Yeah, he's here. Hold on a sec." (slight laughter in his voice)

"Hello?"

"Hi, Jeff. This is Haven."

"Oh, hi."

"Hi. Um, some of us from the ward are going hiking on Saturday and I was wondering if you wanted to come along."

"This Saturday?"

"Yeah. We'd be leaving about 9:00 and getting back about 5:00."

"Oh...um...this Saturday? Let's see." Pause...seems like 10 minutes. ugh. "I have to work that Saturday. What time again?"

I repeated the times.

"Well, I don't think I can. No.....no...No...no...No...hmm....no...No....um No....no..." And he goes on like that for what seems like an eternity, but was probably only 30 seconds. But still, 30 seconds of "no"'s really isn't that great to listen to either.

My face was so red and I was so flushed and embarrassed that I was almost in tears. I GET THE POINT!!! ONE 'no' would have been sufficient. And then he says...

"So, how are you?"

Jaw drops and I'm speechless. It took me a few seconds for my brain to wrap around that question.

"Huh? Oh, I'm fine..."

"How's work?"

"Uh...fine."
More small-talk questions that I can't remember because I was too mortified to think straight. I get off the phone as quickly as I can and go try to salvage some of my pride in the bathroom.

My little heart (and pride) was squished that night. Needless to say I didn't even look his direction after that. Not out of mean-ness, but because of my feelings of utter stupidity and shame.